Vernal equinox

Happy Friday, my fellow readers!

According to the weather man, we are already a day into Spring! This is debatable, seeing as though I left the house this morning in a coat (about 39 degrees!) and didn't need it anymore by the time the clock struck noon! Unfortunately I hear we are in for chilly mornings and cool afternoons with some rain this upcoming week... is it summer yet?

I don't think I've been this happy about Spring in a while, but with living downtown these days, all I notice with the change in season is the temperature, weather patterns, and maybe a few flowers blooming here and there, depending on where I wander. Being away from home has helped me grow in my appreciation for my hometown and its beauty, especially as seasons change.

Avondale Lake - April 2013

I have been home all week for spring break, but until the middle of the week, I hadn't gotten out much. All I have done is attend church, spend time with the youth group, bum around the house in my pajamas (not that I mind that at all... just very unproductive), and finally, I had the opportunity to have a little fun today by getting my nails done and having lunch with a friend. While both were highlights to my day, I found a deep peace driving around town this afternoon.

Ladybug on a gardenia - February 2013

I got in the car to run some errands before dinner, and as I backed out of the driveway, I rolled down the windows. I turned up the radio and played my Frank Sinatra CD. As I rolled down my hilly street, I rocked my sunglasses as I sang totally off-key to Sinatra's "The Good Life," and after a rough week, it felt good to cut loose to some happy and soothing music. As I cruised through town, the cool, spring air seeped through the partially open windows and blew my hair. Passing the lake, I observed the ducks swimming in line. Children who'd biked to the lake were swinging on a suspended bench, taking in the scenery. An older gentleman fished at one corner of the lake. Couples walked their dogs on the trail. And there I saw it-- my favorite tree at the lake. It served as a canopy over a bench area, and its gentle pink flower petals fluttered with the breeze, some falling off and landing on the grass. The sun reflected off the water, brightly. It was at that moment when I genuinely appreciated the beauty of spring, especially the spring which occurred in my hometown. I hang on to countless memories of the lake, and I am able to recall many days spent feeding the ducks, getting chased by geese, biking around the trial, and that one time where a swan bit me when I was seven years old. 

Yes, that's right. I was bit by a swan.

About twelve years ago, it was spring break for my brother and me, so my grandfather took us down to the lake so we could ride bikes and feed the ducks as he sat under the gazebo working crossword puzzles. Those were some of my fondest memories, getting close enough to the ducks and geese to pass them bread directly to their bills. My grandfather spotted the baby of one of the few black swans we had back then, and wanted to capture a photo of me standing next to the baby. I was hesitant, because I knew many animals were very protective of their young. As I nervously approached the baby swan, my grandfather began to take a picture. Back then, small digital cameras took a moment to capture the photo. Unfortunately for me, after the photo was taken, the mother swan came up to me, its bill ajar, and bit me on my left side. Can you say ouch? I was bruised for a good week or so, and needless to say I was pretty displeased with my grandfather at the time. He, on the other hand, found it hilarious. I'll never forget the day I got bit by a swan. 

I cannot locate the picture of me and
the swan, so here's a picture of me and
my grandfather, 1997.

One of the challenges this week was being strong through the heartache of knowing that three years ago on Wednesday (March 19th), my grandfather lost his long battle with cancer. It's memories like the one shared with you above that keep me going. I'd be lying if I said things get easier as time goes on. For some, that may be the case, but for me and much of my family, the grief has only worsened. On Wednesday morning, I read a beautiful quote by C.S. Lewis, which offered a bit of nostalgia as well as a glimmer of hope. It reads, "Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing the monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward." While a loss such as this is something I'll never forget, moving forward is something I can do, in time. And I have, slowly. Loss is never easy. We can anticipate the feelings we'd have over losing someone before they actually pass, but we don't ever know truly how we feel once a person is gone. We may fill ourselves with regrets or guilt, and fail to remember the most treasurable moments we shared with our deceased loved ones. We have got to let go of those regrets and guilty feelings in order to move forward. We must remember that our loved ones wouldn't want us to spend many and many a year moping about their not being present, but instead carry on with our lives while holding fast to the impact they had on us and what they taught us while they were still here on Earth. We must know that in time-- though it may not seem like it now-- things will be alright. 

Avondale Lake - March 2013

Considering this pleasant weather, a bike ride is in my future-- tomorrow morning. Oh, how I have missed that. Enjoy this beautiful weather as we continue to transition out of winter. 

Until next time,

Kelsey

The song of the week is Moonlight Serenade by Frank Sinatra. Just a tribute to my grandfather... one of his favorite songs, and my all-time favorite song. 

My favorite tree at the lake.

If you need help, just ask. (& stepping out of your comfort zone)

Hey ya'll!

It's been about two weeks since I last updated. Things have been crazy, but productive nonetheless. I'm about to enter an even harder week than the last two, since we're approaching the midpoint in the semester. This means I'm just halfway there to my summer break, and 3/4 complete with my first year of college. 

**If you want to skip ahead to get to the main purpose of this blog post, you'll find that just after the concert photography.

So, where have I been? Well, a lot has been going on! First let me share with you a couple photographs I took on my walks to class. 

Hurt Plaza

You know you're in the ATL when...

Gotta love Atlanta (sometimes)!

The week following Snowpocalypse II, my friend Edith and I started going to the gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We haven't actually gone to the gym together since then, but I hope she will soon join me once we get through the next couple "hell weeks" before spring break. Getting back into the routine of attending a gym has been a challenge, since injuring my knee after graduation from biking (a little background on that-- I biked a mile a day after graduating, and one day felt a little too ambitious and decided to bike over 5 miles... whilst screwing up my right knee... I was out for MONTHS of doing anything other than walking. Yes, that included skating!). What I like about attending the gym with a friend is that it helps alleviate some anxiety I have about going. For someone who used to be pretty athletic, at times I find walking in there intimidating. Seeing people run around the track, swim laps continuously, or just tearin' it up on the elliptical-- I'm not ready for that like I once was. It has been saddening. It feels like I've had to start over, but it is harder than I remember it. I have set a goal to get back into skating this year and practice my skills... by the end of the year I hope to master the 25 laps in 5 minutes! While I played junior roller derby in high school, I could do only 23 laps in 5 minutes. What if I tried now? I probably wouldn't make it to 20. 

Yesterday, I was hoping Edith would go to the gym with me again since it had been a couple weeks. Sadly, she could not because of her workload. Disappointed, I thought about staying in bumming around about it, but then I remembered the discussion I had earlier that day with the nutritionist. My nutritionist had a graduate student join us in our appointment together and they wanted me to readjust my goals which I had set last time. What I like about seeing the nutritionist is that she doesn't come off as judgemental by any means, and she encourages me to set little goals rather than set a huge one that would take some time to accomplish. Anyway, one of the goals we set yesterday was to go to the gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays, regardless of whether or not Edith would be able to join me. With that in my head, I threw on my gym clothes and laced up my tennis shoes and boarded the bus to the fitness center. As silly as it sounds, it was a huge step out of my comfort zone. I managed to get 5 miles in on the stationary bike in just over 30  minutes. I am feeling pretty accomplished... and very sore! 

Taking a selfie break after jogging a bit! Yes, that's Edith.

At the end of the week, I hopped on Marta to head to my home church to talk about the importance of mission trips in our youth group. I'll post more about that later in this post. For now, here are some pictures of my presentation:

Photo by Les Cook

Photo by Les Cook

While doing some grocery shopping recently (after eating everything during the Snowpocalypse due to cabin fever), I made some new discoveries. Delicious discoveries. I think the pictures below should sum it up for you without me telling you:

Why yes, those ARE birthday
cake M&M's!

Taken from my Instagram
Cookie Dough Oreos taste great, especially with milk.
They have a mocha flavor to them, too.
Subway Flatizza? About as good as their pizza!

I bought some graph paper recently and finally started getting back into one of my hobbies-- interior design. Back in 9th grade I was certain I would make that my major in college, but things have changed and I don't feel as destined for interior design as I do in film. Aside from that, I still enjoy sketching floor plans, typically plans which would be the foundation of my dream house. When I'm older, and hopefully a well-off film director, I would like to have a house which contains a retro diner kitchen and a mini movie theatre. Yeah, yeah, dream big, Kelsey.

Drawing the plans for my retro diner! :-)

Lastly, before I proceed to the main topic of this post, I just wanted to throw out there that I went to a really awesome concert at the Masquerade the other night! No, we didn't break the floor. :-P The concert was located in the upper level of the Masquerade ("Heaven"). I was a bit nervous being up there mainly due to the experience I had at the last concert where the floor cracked. I was hoping the concert would be held int he lower level of the Masquerade ("Hell") but alas, it was not. The Fratellis put on a great show! I'm a sucker for Scottish music, and they are one of my favorite indie rock groups, followed by Franz Ferdinand. 

Outside of the Masquerade

Jon Fratelli

Barry and Mince Fratelli

Moving on...

This blog post is going to be different from the others I have posted. What I mean by different is that I am going to be taking a look at the simplicity of asking for help when you need it. 

Back in the summer of 2013, a few weeks after the Montreat Youth Conference, I went with my youth group to Heifer International's ranch in Perryville, Arkansas. Let me tell you-- that place was in the middle of nowhere... and I'm not kidding. The town had two dollar stores, a Sonic, and a Mexican restaurant. That's it. Grocery store? Oh, that burned down some years ago... 

Anyway, the trip to Heifer was for our annual mission trip. This was my first mission trip experience, as I had never been on one in the past. I didn't originally plan on going, but one of my friends convinced me to go last minute. 

We endured the first 4-5 hours of the trip on the rental bus on the first day (early July, just after Independence Day). We stopped in Tupelo, Mississippi, home to the late Elvis Presley. We stayed in a church in Tupelo overnight, attended their service in the morning, and spent another 5 hours on the bus to get to Perryville.

Elvis statue in Tupelo, MS

When we finally arrived we were introduced to our leaders for the week: Keely and Maddie. They were there to guide us throughout the week and educate us on Heifer's mission and purpose. Heifer International works with communities to end hunger and poverty while caring for the Earth. With that in mind, we really got a better understanding of what that meant after our week on the ranch.

Beautiful...

The village was just behind those trees in the front

To summarize our week on the ranch, we spent a couple days working in the fields, caring for the animals, and doing maintenance. A couple other days we learned how to make tortillas and were educated on composting, and even made our own pizzas completely from scratch using resources they had on the ranch (yes, goat cheese and tomato sauce made from the tomatoes in the garden). We did team building exercises which would help us prepare for our experience in the Global Village in which we stayed for one night (Tuesday). Those team building exercises really stuck with me, aside from what I learned that night in the Village. 

Camel time!

Dinner time in the Urban Slums of the Global Village

One of the things I've carried with me since the mission trip was "if you need help, just ask." It is such a simple phrase, but asking for help may not seem so simple at first. I have always been a bit stubborn about asking others for help. Part of that is my pride, because I feel like I can do things on my own. I learned this year that sometimes you can't do everything all on your own. More often than not, we need someone to help us out along the way. 

Since 2011 I have been struggling with grief over the loss of my maternal grandfather. He and I were very close throughout my life, so when he passed it tore my heart at the seams, as it did many people in the family. At the time I was busy holding myself together so my sadness wouldn't affect my family around me, so I guess you could say I was the one trying to keep the strength. Well, not talking about it has led to my grief getting progressively worse, and I miss him now more than ever. I found it easy to just shake it off and tell others "I'm fine." But I needed help. I needed someone to talk to. Someone to help me find coping mechanisms which would help me move forward. Not only that, but I also let my health go a bit, especially this year in college. My motivation declined due to grief and stress, so I would snack a lot and bum around, not keeping active. I needed someone to help get me back on the right track to a healthier, happier lifestyle. 

So exactly how does this relate to what I learned on the mission trip? I'm getting to that.

On our last day at the ranch, we did an interesting sort of team building exercise. We were blindfolded and taken to a maze. We had to pair up with a couple other people and work together to find the end of the rope while holding on to it. All our chaperones and leaders wandered the course to say, "if you need help, just ask." All of us communicated with one another, still blindfolded, trying to find the end. When we thought we were close, we were still on it. People were talking around us, trying to figure it out themselves. I could hear some of my friends ask for help, but me and my group were still too stubborn to ask because we were confident we would find the end soon. As things got quiet, and as time elapsed, I grew tired of trying to find the end, so I asked one of our chaperones for help. He came over to me and removed my blindfold, told me to be quiet, and to join the others from our group. When I sat down with my friends who made it out of the course, I realized something... there was no end to the rope task. I mean literally no end-- the rope was wrapped around several trees so we were basically going in circles! The purpose was to get us to ask for help. Let go of your pride for just a moment if you find you are unable to solve the problem yourself. It is perfectly okay to ask for help. It just takes three simple words and one simple, four-letter question: I need help. Can you help me?

Heading to the rope task, blindfolded.

So that's what I did. When I started my second semester of college, after settling in to my dorm on campus, I visited the counseling center to see who I could talk to who would help me to get to feeling better. Seeing a counselor has helped a lot. While it doesn't fix things, it allows me to release what is on my mind and having someone to just listen and offer advice at my request. The nutritionist has been awesome too, by helping me with my goal setting. 

If you find yourself struggling with an assignment, a loss, or any other situation you are in, ask somebody for help, whether it be a friend, classmate, family member, or a professional. Asking help is just another step toward moving forward, no matter what your situation is. 

Another thing which was implied in our experience at Heifer was stepping out of your comfort zone, or for some, "sitting on the hat brim, and dangling your feet into your comfort zone" (quoted by our chaperone, Becky). That is what we all did when spending the night in the Global Village. The purpose of the Village is to simulate what it is like to live without the luxuries many of us who are well-off have here in the United States. We did not have the luxury of a surplus of food, a toilet, comfortable beds and couches, nor electricity. Each house was different in some way-- the way they were built, the size of the house, and the flooring. Some of us had to sleep on dirt, others on wood. We were required to bring a water bottle, but everything else was optional. I decided to get the most out of the experience as I felt comfortable and brought my backpack with bug spray, long pants, and my camera (to document everything I could). Not all of us had food, so we applied our team building skills and worked together to enjoy a meal of rice and vegetables. Needless to say, we missed our burgers and cookies! Sleeping was the worst part, though. I missed my bed, but the experience made me very grateful for the luxuries I'm able to have at home that others around the world may not have. 

Urban Slums - the ranch's Global Village

Stepping out of your comfort zone is important because it can educate you or make you more aware of things and even make you more aware of yourself.

I've done a lot of things pertaining to stepping out of my comfort zone. The first one is obvious-- asking for help. I'm usually not comfortable asking for help, but I did. 

More recently, I stepped out of my comfort zone to publicly talk about my grief through slam poetry/spoken word. A few weeks ago I began writing a poem about the day my grandfather passed. When I heard my church's annual variety show lacked talent acts, I decided to finish up my poem (mind you, in a hurry) the night before the variety show. Discussing this loss wasn't something I had really done in public, but through the medium of poetry, I moved the people at my church more than I had anticipated. I'm glad I stepped out of my comfort zone to share such a personal aspect of my life with one of my dearest communities. 

As I wrap up this post, I just wanted to say, if you are in a position like mine or something different, step out of or dangle your feet into you comfort zone, and don't hesitate to ask for help. It is one of the best things you can do for yourself.


Until next time,

Kelsey