A Year in Review... and details about Phase Two

Greetings, readers!

It has been almost 4 months since my last post. If you missed it, you can read it here. It was probably the deepest post I made all year. I have also updated the layout of the blog. The springtime look was getting a bit old.  Moving on...

Wow, I have come a very long way since last year. As stated previously in my post from September 6th (linked in last paragraph), I never imagined myself getting better. I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. After 6 months of counseling and being on medication for close to a year, I'm feeling better overall. This is something I have wanted for so long, and it has finally become a reality. 

This is not to say that I'm "cured." Depression isn't something that just goes away. It will always be a battle I'm fighting. But it's a battle worth fighting. Because I have goals. Because I am meant for something big. Because I am stronger than depression is. 

Earlier this year, beloved comedian Robin Williams committed suicide after a long battle with depression. Since his death, people are more informed on mental illness and its seriousness. I hope others continue to try to understand that it isn't a phase and it is something that needs to be acknowledged. 

I am on my 7th month taking an antidepressant and for the most part it has helped me. It keeps my mind from racing with thoughts of uncertainty and panic, which used to distract me from everything I was supposed to be focusing on. I managed to pass all 5 classes this Fall semester and couldn't be prouder of myself. I did, however, acquire the sophomore 15. Oh joy. Which leads me into Phase 2 of "Getting Back to Me!"

Augustus Waters - The Fault in Our Stars

What is this Phase 2 of which I speak? 

Good thing you asked! Now that I have gained some control in my life in terms of my mental health, I have decided to shift my focus on my physical health. Part of what held me back from working toward a healthier lifestyle was my depression. I have binge eating disorder and struggle often in maintaining control when it comes to eating. I struggle with this the most when I am at home; I eat reasonably well when on my college campus. 

In Phase 2, I will start seeing my counselor again, keep a regular schedule with the nutritionist as I did last spring, and pay for a personal trainer starting in February. I want to spend my Sundays after work skating with the ARG Rec League. I did some rec league this summer, but did not follow through with it. Phase 2 is a phase in which I fully commit to healthy eating and exercise, and allow it to become a lifelong habit. I will also get more involved in meditation and other stress-relieving activities. I discovered that my school offers a relaxation room with massage chairs, so I will definitely be making reservations a couple times a month for that!

We must remember, that no matter how crazy our lives get, we must take care of ourselves. It is very difficult at times, because we all have different stressors. We have to find the willpower within us and keep it in the forefront of our minds as we live our lives day to day. 

I hope you all wish me luck in this new year. Your support means so much to me. Thank you to all who have been so supportive in the last year. I couldn't have done it without your loving support. 

My friends at my Christmas Party.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas. Happy New Year to each and every one of you! Set goals, stay committed to them, and accomplish them this new year! 

Until next time,

Kelsey

Reevaluating what it means to "Get Back to Me"

Hello, fellow readers! It is Saturday, September the 6th in the year 2014. I have not blogged since the conclusion of my freshman year of college (beginning of May, 2014), where I listed 50 things I learned after a challenging year. My summer was exceptionally productive, where I took a May-mester class at my college for the month of May, and from then on I worked almost non-stop. 

I spent my first week of June finishing up final assignments from my May-mester class, whilst spending all day at my church helping with the theatrical part of Bible and Music camp. It was an exhausting but very fun and worthwhile week, and I regret not helping with BaM in previous years. Needless to say, I will be returning to help out with BaM 2015. I am still singing in my head, "Goliath fights with a spear and sword, but Daaaaaavid fights in the name of the Lord..."

I had one free week before I would begin working as a camp counselor with rising Kindergarteners at a local school system. Little did I know this would open a lot of doors for me. When my first week of the kids' summer camp came around, I spent my mornings volunteering at the Mike Glenn Basketball Camp for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, which is a wonderful week-long basketball camp open to anyone hearing or deaf. I managed to have basic conversation with some of the deaf campers, and they were all supportive of my signing progress. When my kids' camp shift began, I would drive over to it and spend all afternoon with the kids. We'd go outside on the playground, have nap time (after awhile that became the best part of the day... an hour of semi-silence), and play games relating to the theme of the camp for that week. 

I worked this camp job for four straight weeks, whilst house sitting, pet sitting, and babysitting pretty much every day or night of the summer. I was also working as assistant manager for the third year in a row at the summer job I have had since the summer after 8th grade-- the Snack Shack at my pool. Additionally, I managed to hold just two photoshoots over the entire summer, since it was terribly hot or too rainy. 

You're probably wondering, where did the fun come in? I'm getting to that. In fact, the pictures I will post shortly will put into words how much fun I had outside of work. 

Marissa & me at a Braves game during DragonCon weekend.

Spontaneous shoot with friends... I actually made it in most
of the photos!

Watching a couple of my favorite people jamming.

First photo shoot of the summer with Evelin.

Last photo shoot I had in the summer with Yessica.

Fun game night with the crew.

Saw Panic! at the Disco AGAIN
in August. No floors were broken
during the show. :) 

I managed to go skating a few times over summer with friends, and even did a few weeks of recreation league roller derby. I was so proud of myself for getting back out on the track and skating with other rollergirls. 

Before I continue to the main purpose of this catch-up blog post, I'm going to take a few steps back and talk about some more personal things that have gone on since my last blog post.

A year ago, I did not see myself ever getting to the point I am at now-- if you knew year-ago-me, then you would understand what I am talking about. 

I didn't see myself as ever getting better. 

Here's a little background detail (okay, a lot of background detail...): 

I have had depression since I was 12 years old, after experiencing a lot of loss of close loved ones; on top of that, lack of confidence in who I was-- size and appearance and what not. When my grandfather started chemotherapy in 2007, we decided that after I finished my 6th grade year in public middle school, we would move in with my grandparents and home school for as long as necessary. During this time, I began gaining more weight and eventually faced a lot of bullying online from former "friends." It became a very dark time in my life where I would drown out my sorrow in what we referred to back then as "emo music" (some would argue this music was namely Linkin Park, Simple Plan... with a touch of Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, and Panic! at the Disco. But, I digress). I also got into self harm (cutting, specifically) and fought my battle with depression on my own. It got better as I made amends in late 8th grade with my former friends, and we managed to leave one another alone. Unfortunately I would later face bullying again when I returned to public school in 9th grade. Most of the bullying was centered around my weight, since it had gotten out of control during middle school. I got better as the bullies moved away or were moved into other classes or transferred for whatever reason (and not because they were bullying me-- I never told adults at my school about that). I was miserable in 9th grade from that as well as other reasons I cannot express in this blog. Only a handful of my readers would know what I am referring to. 

I lost a lot of weight in 10th grade, shrinking from a size 18 to a size 12 with a lot of hard work and focus. That stopped after my maternal grandfather died from an on and off 13-year battle with prostate cancer. I witnessed his last breath. As I was starting to feel better about myself, I sunk deep into depression again, and that would only spiral out of control through the next few years leading up to my start to college. 

February 2011

In summary, I struggled a lot during my junior year (as to be expected, because junior year is commonly known as the most stressful year of high school). I started gaining weight again, not rapidly, but still gaining. While my confidence improved, I was hiding sadness deep inside me. I was so proud when senior year rolled around but I couldn't believe high school was coming to an end-- when I was finally beginning to like it. 

I lost my paternal grandfather at the beginning of 2013, right as my second semester of senior year began. He and I weren't close, so it wasn't as devastating of a loss to me as my other grandfather's death in 2011 was. He and I were buds. I did, however, enjoy the time I spent with my paternal grandfather in his final months. I finally got to know him, right before he slipped away in his family's presence. 

My senioritis kicked in full throttle second semester, but I was feeling more than just senioritis and the lack of desire to do school work. I hadn't finished college applications until the end of January, and I only applied to two schools. I wound up getting accepted into both. I was happy about that, but struggled to fathom that life was about to change dramatically for me. 

As time got closer to graduation, I became more and more depressed. A friendship of mine ended a couple weeks before graduation. I was fine after that; I was more concerned with my uncertainty for the future and the fact that I would not be starting college living on-campus, but rather, commuting to school every day. All my friends who would be attending college with me were talking about how they were living on campus. Needless to say I was jealous, and devastated, since what was pulling me down was being at home (again, for reasons I cannot express in this blog but a handful of my readers are aware of). 

When college started, my anxiety was through the roof and I was anxious just about every time I got out of bed to start the day. I would cry frequently, on train rides to and from school. I became severely anemic toward the end of my second month of school, which drained me completely. I stopped caring about things but still managed to use what little bits of energy I had to finish my school work. Because I was so anemic, I slept frequently for at least 4 hours at a time after my day at school. When I'd wake up, I would just stay in bed, like I did the last month and a half of summer 2013. I'd overthink and second-guess myself. I would cry some more. I would barely finish my first semester with a 3.0 GPA (I came out with a 3.02!)

One day, I hit rock bottom and I just could not take it anymore. I applied for campus housing and was high up on the wait list for spring term. I reached out to the mother of a dear friend of mine (you know who you are) and she helped me dig my way out of the hole I'd been digging over the last 6-7 years. She encouraged me to go to the counseling center to discuss my struggles. 

It was the last week of fall term of my Freshman year of college. I filled out a questionnaire given to me by the employees at the school's counseling center. Some questions ranged from how you felt about your self-worth, to how you relate to others, and you'd rate these on a scale of 1-5; 1 being the lowest/bad, and 5 being highest/good. I had a lot of 1's and 2's on my questionnaire. 

After filling out the questionnaire I immediately met with a counselor who would evaluate me and my mental health. The biggest question she asked was if I felt suicidal, or if I felt like hurting myself, or if I was a danger to myself or others. Considering the timing of this, I was not honest with my answer. I lied and said that I did not feel suicidal (when I really did, and I hadn't felt that way since 9th grade). I lied and said I did not want to hurt myself but did admit I was tempted to. I was more of a danger to myself than I ever would be anyone else. I lied because it was exam week, and I didn't know what they would do with me if I had said "yes" at the time. 

When winter break arrived, things turned around a bit when I was reunited with my closest friends who attend school out of town and out of state. It helped me find a peace of mind, even though I was still struggling. I got some wonderful news the day after I'd seen a counselor-- I was accepted into university housing (thank you, thank you, thank you to the counselor for bumping me up the waitlist). I did not tell my family until I returned from the Montreat College Conference a few days after the new year began. Most my family supported me when I told them I'd be moving out in a week, but a couple were displeased and did not think I could pull it off, completely doubting my success.

It was bittersweet, moving in my dorm with the help of my mother, Natalie, and Charlie. I wrote about it in my second blog post from January, which can be found here. I felt so free when I was out of the house. It was a new sense of independence. It helped me focus on what I needed to do, and not what others needed to do. I had my own agenda that needed attending to. For once, I was being selfish, and for my own well-being which I had neglected for so long. 

A couple weeks after moving on campus, I started seeing a counselor regularly every two weeks. By February, I saw a psychiatrist. After talking for awhile, she prescribed me a low dose of Prozac. However, I did not start my antidepressants until the end of May 2014 because I was nervous about taking them. As the semester progressed, I got better, even though a lot of things changed in my family. Mostly, for the better. 

When I did finally start my medication, I immediately started feeling the benefits of it. My counselor described it as a placebo effect, since the medicine generally takes 4-6 weeks before you can really notice a change. I stayed on 20 mg for nearly two months, but at the end of July I confronted a family member about their alcoholism. Around that time, as I was planning this confrontation, I was not taking Prozac regularly. I was frequently "forgetting" to take it, though some days I purposely skipped it because I was so desperate to have feelings for the events going on in my life (including a few family members that have been in and out of the hospital this summer). While antidepressants can be helpful, they are also scarily numbing from any sad emotions-- at least for me, anyway. After the confrontation was unsuccessful, I had a breakdown and struggled for a couple weeks. When I finally saw the psychiatrist again, we discussed upping my dose and since then I have been better than I was on the lower dose, and I'm no longer forgetting to take it. 

Thanks to the medicine, the counseling, the supportive friends, and many different changes in my lifestyle, I can finally express with confidence that I am well. Not fine, but well. I can finally see the glass half-full, and sincerely mean it. It feels so unreal being able to type that, but it is absolutely true. The glass is in fact half-full in my life. 

So how am I relating my partial-life story to reevaluating what it means to get back to me? I feel like my story might help others who have been in a similar position or are currently struggling, and it's just a reminder, even if it sounds cliche, that it does get better. Ask for help. There is no permanent cure for depression and anxiety, but you have to get help from someone you trust. Having the genuine support of others does wonders for your sanity. There will be times where we start digging holes again, but we must gather all the strength we have to climb our way out of it. There is a way out of it; a positive way out. 

As many of you are aware, Robin Williams took his own life recently after a long battle with depression. As you heard from my story, and have heard all over the news since his suicide, mental illness needs to be addressed, because it is so serious. It does take lives, just like cancer takes lives and like other illnesses take lives. Never should depression be belittled. If you know someone who is struggling, don't shrug it off as a phase like many people in my life did when I was in middle school. It has terrible consequences. I lost a friend to suicide four years ago because he was terribly depressed, but I never would have guessed it because of the happy and funny guy I always knew. I hid behind a facade for so long before I hit rock bottom, and many people began to tell I was not well. I was contemplating ending everything. I tremble as I type this. Please don't ever judge someone who has had thoughts like this and please do not judge those who have already passed due to suicide. Until you have been in depression so deep to the point of rock bottom, you can not even begin to judge those who have suffered greatly from depression. 

To all my readers out there who are struggling, I just want you to know that you are not alone. In time, as you work toward it (and it has taken every fiber of my being to crawl up the deep hole I've dug over the years), things will get better. There will always be ups and downs, but it's ultimately up to you on how you choose to handle it. It's not easy by any means, but you can do it. 

To summarize my summer, I was very productive, very sleepless, but had a lot of fun in between. I became a substitute teacher for a local school system, and after the kids' camp I began working aftercare for a few weeks until move-in day at school. I couldn't be happier that I am back in school, and now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever been more thrilled to be at school. 

And as for my progress since my "getting back to me" campaign, let's take a look:

• Moved out (not completely independent, but it's a start)
• Started doing hobbies again that bring me joy (photography and roller derby)
• Became body positive (blog post about that coming in the future!)
• Started medication to help treat my depression (it's working, thank goodness!)

I still have a long way to go, but I have come so far. As I reevaluate, I need to keep in mind not to get too selfish, since I have recognized that I have developed a selfish tendency which I've never had before. It's developed since January, but I'm working towards being more selfless again. I need to keep my focus, and fight for my motivation, since right now that is one of my weak spots. I am also working toward getting fit and eating healthier. Since moving in, my activity and healthy eating has been consistent. 

I know I got really personal in this blog post, but believe me, there is so much more occurred in those seven years of my life. But for now, I leave you with this. Stay strong. Be brave. Be bold. Be confident. Do what makes you happy. Don't neglect your health, ever. And remember-- you are important and you are loved. 

Until next time,

Kelsey 

50 Things I learned my Freshman Year of College

Hello everyone!

Needless to say, it has been a very long and challenging school year. I had no idea what to expect out of college (regardless of what I saw on television, which, by the way, is very misleading. Don't fall victim to the dramatized programming, for you will be very disappointed. I learned that when I got to middle school and realized it was nothing like Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide. But, I digress). I will publicly admit that I miss high school. End of story. It was a difficult year knowing that the familiar faces I saw regularly at school and at youth group were not going to be around all the time, save winter, spring, and summer breaks. But seeing said friends during said breaks has only strengthened our friendships even more, leading to more adventurous "chill timez," as they are referred to by me and my boys Charlie and Carson. Before I proceed, below are some photos from my recent adventures with said friends.

Charlie photographing art on Dekalb Avenue

Photo by Charlie

Feminist street art on Forsyth Street by
Tatyana Fazlalizadeh

Intersection of Forsyth and Mitchell Street

Forsyth Street

Dekalb Avenue - Photo by Charlie

Ladybug :-)

More photographs can be found on my Instagram. Moving on...

After a grueling first year at college, I have learned the following:

1. Commuting sucks.
2. ...and by commuting, I mean MARTA. Though I'm sure driving to campus is almost as miserable.
3. Prerequisite courses are annoying when you're as anxious as me to begin Major classes.
4. I should have taken more AP classes so I wouldn't have take so many prerequisite classes. (Just kidding, I would have died if I took more AP classes. After AP Language and Composition, all I could think was "hell naw, I'm not doing that again!")
5. Don't take the maximum credit hours (18). I didn't, but some of my friends did. It hurt to see them suffer. Just don't.
6. Being a film major is awesome because we really don't need all that extra math. Have fun, engineering majors. :-)
7. Just because you aren't sitting in class for 7 hours a day, doesn't mean you have all the free time in the world. Curse you, procrastination...
8. Yoga pants are extraordinarily comfortable, even if they are not the most flattering. 
9. Yoga pants are convenient for fools like me who take 8:00 a.m. classes...
10. ...don't take 8:00 a.m. classes. You might have been able to do that in high school, but it's different in college. Just don't.
11. Dorm life is awesome, because freedom.
12. Naps are the most heavenly things besides microwavable pizza.
13. You don't have to have a Ramen diet. Really. 
14. Caffeine is helpful during finals week... but you don't need it if you don't procrastinate! We are all guilty of procrastinating. Time management is muy importante.
15. Don't rush or "b.s." writing assignments. Seriously. You might have been able to get away with that in high school, but in college, this could make or break you in class. (This is more advice than experience... I personally rocked all my writing assignments.)
16. Laundry on campus is terrible. Have fun doing a 2-hour task over the course of 5 hours.
17. RateMyProfessors.com is such a useful resource when registering for classes.
18. Don't wait until the last minute to register for classes. If possible, register as soon as you are allowed.
19. College is expensive. 
20. Study hard. (DUHHHHHHH)
21. Go to class. Many teachers count attendance toward your final grade. Besides, you're paying for college-- get your money's worth!!! 
22. The Freshman 15 is real. (I personally didn't gain 15 pounds, but I did gain like, 5.)
23. Don't lose any scholarships you have. If this means not going to that party or not spending an evening watching your favorite show (*cough* Desperate Housewives *cough*) on Netflix, then do it. Studying is the ultimate key to success in college.
24. Saving money is difficult. Making money is even more difficult, if you're jobless. (That was a no-brainer.)
25. Paramore was being sarcastic in their song "Ain't it Fun [living in the real world]"... but it is, however, good living on your own.
26. Dorm fire drills/alarms at 4 a.m. are the worst.
27. Dorm fire drills/alarms at any hour are annoying. But instead of complaining, follow all instructions given by the authorities evacuating you. Safety first-- you never know if there may actually be a fire!
28. Your student fees are probably going toward the fitness center, health clinic, and counseling center. Make use of them, even if you don't have any problems. Exercise is great, keeping your health in check regularly is great, and talking to someone when you're down is great. 
29. If you have to take out student loans, do it. You are investing in your future.
30. Don't wait until the last minute to get your textbooks.
31. Rent your textbooks. It is cheaper than purchasing a book that you may not need again.
32. Buy used if there aren't any rental textbooks available. That'll save you some money.
33. Don't sell your textbooks back to the bookstore. Instead, try selling to another student who plans to take the class which requires said book. If you're desperate for cash, then go ahead and sell it to the book store. Just be wary. 
34. Watching The Walking Dead is 10 times more fun when you watch it with your new college buddies.
35. High school never ends. There will still be drama junkies who carry on the drama that we all thought we left behind in high school. Don't be one of those people.
36. Not having class on Fridays is really awesome. Who doesn't love a 3-day weekend?
37. Going to a college within 15 miles of where your alma mater is located will most definitely be the high school reunion you didn't sign up for.
38. Walking to class in the rain isn't fun, especially if you go to school in a windy downtown area. 
39. In the event of rain, have a rain coat and sturdy umbrella. If it's a cheap umbrella, that wind will blow it away... and might even take you with it.
40. If you go to a college in a downtown area, avoid standing too close to the street when walking around campus during a rainstorm. You may get viciously splashed by a vehicle who drives through a puddle...
41. Organization is key.
42. Loud roommates are undesirable. 
43. Dorm room walls and ceilings are not soundproof. 'Nuff said.
44. People will smoke in their dorms regardless of the rules. Sigh. Nothing like a dorm hallway reeking of tobacco, or in some cases, marijuana... *shakes head disapprovingly*
45. Snow days + dorm life = fun fun fun fun fun
46. If you want to make friends, you have to get involved somehow. Whether it's saying hello to someone you pass regularly on the way to class, joining the theatre, or engaging in intramural sports teams. You'll find someone similar to you and thus form new bonds. 
47. If you need help, just ask.
48. USE YOUR RESOURCES!
49. Growing up is difficult, but definitely something we need to learn to do. There's a time and a place to be a kid, but we must know how to conduct ourselves in certain settings.
50. Life goes on. Don't sweat the small stuff. Work hard. Stay strong. You've got this!

Here's to another 3+ years! I am currently taking a May-mester class which ends the first week of June, but I am otherwise on summer break! Here's to long summer nights by the pool, cruising with friends, blowing our money on delivery pizza, and sleeping in... unless, of course, you have a job, in which case you may have to kiss sleeping in "goodbye" and get to bed early (yeah, right). Happy almost summer!

Until next time,

Kelsey

Good stuff coming to you soon-- but first, an update!

Well, hello there!

It has been over a month since I last posted. My apologies. I'm not going to produce a grocery list of excuses, but rather, I had other things to get done besides blog. But hey, here I am now with loads to share with you!

First off, let me just announce that I have finished my first year of college! It has been a rollercoaster of a year, but it finally ended. I will be spending the next month taking a May-mester class which will end in early June, so technically I am not completely on summer break. 

Last time I blogged was during my spring break where I recalled a spring memory. We have got a little over a month left of spring before we transition into summer. I'm just ready for some pool time! 

Since spring break, things have been very eventful. Before I share the details with you, I am leaving these fun photos from spring break here for you to see. I got to hang out with Jackson, Anna, and Carson. 

Posing with Carson - Photo by Anna

Posing with Jackson and Carson - Photo by Anna

Aren't they adorable? Anna & Jackson

A week later, I attended Shrek the Musical at my old high school. Let me just say, that was the best performance I have ever seen at my high school, and it is sad that the show wasn't put on while I was still in school! It was spectacular. The acting, the set... everything. Kudos to the wonderful cast and crew for presenting a hilarious show!

Took a selfie with Seth, a.k.a. Shrek!

A couple weeks after spring break, Panic! at the Disco played a concert at my college! Needless to say, I was very thrilled, considering what happened at the last show where the floor broke at the Tabernacle. 

The concert wasn't to begin until 7 p.m., but since they were playing at my college, this was a wonderful opportunity to possibly meet the band! My friend saw them a couple nights before at another college, and had the pleasure of meeting the band, so we kept in touch all morning until I got there to keep tabs on what the band was doing. Sadly, after waiting many long hours, we never got to see Panic! at the Disco before the show. On the plus side, I got a spot on the barricade with friends, and met some new people! The show opened with two rappers from GSU, and then Panic! at the Disco took the stage. It was awesome. It was not a full length show; just shy of an hour. It did, however, make up for the two-song show I saw in February. After P!ATD played, rapper B.o.B. performed, with a guest appearance from rapper T.I. I would say it was a pretty good night. 

Brendon Urie, lead singer of
Panic! at the Disco

B.o.B.

T.I. making a guest appearance.

The following Wednesday, I went to a Braves game which was a lot of fun. I went with some of my new friends whom I've gotten to know since February. It was got intense toward the last couple innings of the game, where the Braves had been in the lead by 4 runs... and the New York Mets caught up. Luckily after changing pitchers, the Braves saved the game from overtime and we won. 

A few days after the game, over the weekend, I was at home visiting. Late that Saturday night, there was a tragedy in my town. A house caught fire down the road from me, killing two, and one badly burned. The father and son survived; the mother and daughter did not. I had the pleasure of knowing the little girl from many summers at the pool. I am still in disbelief that it happened. It is amazing how my small town has come together in support of this family, and I am happy to know that there have been generous donors contributing to this family's recovery through donations on GoFundMe. If you would like to make a donation to help the family, please visit this link.

Also during that weekend, I began to experience crippling pain in my calf muscles, nearly enabling me to walk. It was bad timing too, seeing as how I had a crew position in my college's production of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. I saw a doctor about the leg pain as soon as I returned to campus, only to be told there was a slight chance I had blood clots. Needless to say, that frightened me. The doctor ordered bed rest until the swelling and pain dissipated, and to keep ice on my calves whilst staying in bed. It was a difficult few days, but I was asked to return to the doctor on two days after my initial visit. I had to see another doctor, because the one I saw wasn't in. This new doctor examined me again, only to conclude that I definitely had tendonitis, and she rolled her eyes at my near-misdiagnosis. With a sigh of relief and an anti-inflammatory prescription, I was able to carry on. I struggled that week to catch up on missed work all while preparing for the shows that week. I can't tell you how happy I was for Saturday to arrive, where I celebrated my 19th birthday with good company. 

My birthday was on Easter, so I decided to celebrate a day early so I could have my friends around. A few came back home for Easter and also attended my celebration, which was exciting. We went to Johnny Rockets for dinner, where we heard good music and shared many laughs. The fun continued when we all drove back to my house for cupcakes, photos, other junk food, and more laughs. I think we smashed more cupcakes in each others' faces than we did eat them. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday. 

The cupcakes

The ladies!... and Andrew photobombing over to the left.

About to get smacked in the face with another cupcake!

The aftermath... photo by Marissa

After a late night, I woke up early anyway to attend a beautiful church service. We enjoyed punch on the lawn after service and took pictures with friends by the cross full of flowers. It turned out to be a fabulous weekend. 

Me posing with Matt & Nat

When I returned to school on Monday, I stopped by the Student Center after class to get in line to meet two cast members from the television show New Girl-- Jake Johnson (Nick) and Damon Wayans Jr. (Coach). It was pretty awesome. 

Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans Jr.

As many of you know, April is usually the month of prom for many high schools, so I had the pleasure of photographing two of my best friends before they went off for a fun night. Just look at that adorable couple! (Pictures below.)

Jackson and Anna

After another stressful week of shows, A Midsummer Night's Dream concluded and we did a set strike. We really tore up the set, and it took us three hours to get it all cleaned up. The next day I sat in a speaker series featuring Jack Hanna, from Animal Planet. I received a an autographed photo from him and even got to pose in a photo of him which I will soon receive from my school. I am really enjoying these meet and greet opportunities my school has offered to students. More items may be crossed off my bucket list!

It was a hard week of finals, but I made it and now I am taking in this free week as best as I can before I start class again... and once my May-mester class is over, I begin working at a summer camp. It is going to be a long, busy summer, but I will find time for fun and taking care of me. 

When finals ended, I got to get away to North Carolina for a long weekend for my cousin's wedding. It was a lovely wedding and a lot of fun. Check out some highlights through the pictures below. 

Me posing with my cousins and brother. Photo by Ulyana

Cousins and brother... and yes, me in color.
Shocker, I know.

The wedding cake!

Posing with the bride.

Posing with the groom.

My cousins, posing for an impromptu photoshoot.

Seeing the bride and groom off after the wedding.

That's all I really have to update-- I have a couple of good posts in the works! 
Until next time,


Kelsey

Vernal equinox

Happy Friday, my fellow readers!

According to the weather man, we are already a day into Spring! This is debatable, seeing as though I left the house this morning in a coat (about 39 degrees!) and didn't need it anymore by the time the clock struck noon! Unfortunately I hear we are in for chilly mornings and cool afternoons with some rain this upcoming week... is it summer yet?

I don't think I've been this happy about Spring in a while, but with living downtown these days, all I notice with the change in season is the temperature, weather patterns, and maybe a few flowers blooming here and there, depending on where I wander. Being away from home has helped me grow in my appreciation for my hometown and its beauty, especially as seasons change.

Avondale Lake - April 2013

I have been home all week for spring break, but until the middle of the week, I hadn't gotten out much. All I have done is attend church, spend time with the youth group, bum around the house in my pajamas (not that I mind that at all... just very unproductive), and finally, I had the opportunity to have a little fun today by getting my nails done and having lunch with a friend. While both were highlights to my day, I found a deep peace driving around town this afternoon.

Ladybug on a gardenia - February 2013

I got in the car to run some errands before dinner, and as I backed out of the driveway, I rolled down the windows. I turned up the radio and played my Frank Sinatra CD. As I rolled down my hilly street, I rocked my sunglasses as I sang totally off-key to Sinatra's "The Good Life," and after a rough week, it felt good to cut loose to some happy and soothing music. As I cruised through town, the cool, spring air seeped through the partially open windows and blew my hair. Passing the lake, I observed the ducks swimming in line. Children who'd biked to the lake were swinging on a suspended bench, taking in the scenery. An older gentleman fished at one corner of the lake. Couples walked their dogs on the trail. And there I saw it-- my favorite tree at the lake. It served as a canopy over a bench area, and its gentle pink flower petals fluttered with the breeze, some falling off and landing on the grass. The sun reflected off the water, brightly. It was at that moment when I genuinely appreciated the beauty of spring, especially the spring which occurred in my hometown. I hang on to countless memories of the lake, and I am able to recall many days spent feeding the ducks, getting chased by geese, biking around the trial, and that one time where a swan bit me when I was seven years old. 

Yes, that's right. I was bit by a swan.

About twelve years ago, it was spring break for my brother and me, so my grandfather took us down to the lake so we could ride bikes and feed the ducks as he sat under the gazebo working crossword puzzles. Those were some of my fondest memories, getting close enough to the ducks and geese to pass them bread directly to their bills. My grandfather spotted the baby of one of the few black swans we had back then, and wanted to capture a photo of me standing next to the baby. I was hesitant, because I knew many animals were very protective of their young. As I nervously approached the baby swan, my grandfather began to take a picture. Back then, small digital cameras took a moment to capture the photo. Unfortunately for me, after the photo was taken, the mother swan came up to me, its bill ajar, and bit me on my left side. Can you say ouch? I was bruised for a good week or so, and needless to say I was pretty displeased with my grandfather at the time. He, on the other hand, found it hilarious. I'll never forget the day I got bit by a swan. 

I cannot locate the picture of me and
the swan, so here's a picture of me and
my grandfather, 1997.

One of the challenges this week was being strong through the heartache of knowing that three years ago on Wednesday (March 19th), my grandfather lost his long battle with cancer. It's memories like the one shared with you above that keep me going. I'd be lying if I said things get easier as time goes on. For some, that may be the case, but for me and much of my family, the grief has only worsened. On Wednesday morning, I read a beautiful quote by C.S. Lewis, which offered a bit of nostalgia as well as a glimmer of hope. It reads, "Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing the monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward." While a loss such as this is something I'll never forget, moving forward is something I can do, in time. And I have, slowly. Loss is never easy. We can anticipate the feelings we'd have over losing someone before they actually pass, but we don't ever know truly how we feel once a person is gone. We may fill ourselves with regrets or guilt, and fail to remember the most treasurable moments we shared with our deceased loved ones. We have got to let go of those regrets and guilty feelings in order to move forward. We must remember that our loved ones wouldn't want us to spend many and many a year moping about their not being present, but instead carry on with our lives while holding fast to the impact they had on us and what they taught us while they were still here on Earth. We must know that in time-- though it may not seem like it now-- things will be alright. 

Avondale Lake - March 2013

Considering this pleasant weather, a bike ride is in my future-- tomorrow morning. Oh, how I have missed that. Enjoy this beautiful weather as we continue to transition out of winter. 

Until next time,

Kelsey

The song of the week is Moonlight Serenade by Frank Sinatra. Just a tribute to my grandfather... one of his favorite songs, and my all-time favorite song. 

My favorite tree at the lake.